It’s official. My Rat Zapper works…even without bait. I say without bait because about 6 weeks ago I received the Rat Zapper and baited it for the first time. I baited it on a Friday morning and left to go to work. When I got to my front door that evening I nervously put my key in the lock. I was certain I’d see the little red light on top blinking, signaling that there was a kill inside. Eeek! I slowly turned the corner into the kitchen (I guess I thought sneaking up on it might help somehow) and, hm, no red light. No red light, but ANTS!! The bait attracted ANTS!! Awesome!* So I picked up my cell phone and ripped my landlord a new one. After hearing my tirade he sent over an exterminator.
The exterminator sprayed and baited. He also thought it would be fun to tell me horror stories about some of his other clients. He clearly had NO idea he was talking to someone who would likely benefit from anti-anxiety meds (as would those around her). And perhaps thought he was being casual – comforting even- when he said “at least it isn’t bed bugs.” Um, back up, WHAT? So, I said “why, are they really a problem around here?” Long story short, yes, in some places they are.
This short conversation led me to do a TON of paranoid research on these horrible little pests, which in turn, made me even more paranoid. It’s a vicious cycle with me. When the exterminator returned for the follow-up spray I told him of my paranoia and he responded by telling me of one of the worst cases of bed bugs he’d ever seen. Sweet, isn’t he? I immediately started scratching as he told me I didn’t have them. He even sat on my bed to show me where on my mattress to look for them if I ever suspected I had them. Then he told me he’d just come from that horrible apartment. OH MY GOD!! HE SAT ON MY BED!! HE SAT ON MY BED!!!! Panic, panic, panic. He leaves, I call my mom and cry (again!!). Both her and my boyfriend calmed me down by repeating the rationale that he’s the least likely person to spread any kind of bug, as he’s dripping with chemicals at all times. The exterminator even told me he sprayed his shoes till they were dripping. Later, my landlord told me the exterminator wears special suits for these cases (they’re friends and he’s told my landlord the stories too – but apparently with more detail). All of that, the lack of evidence, and knowing how they operate (research is fun) should convince me I’m safe. I continue to check my mattress daily.
Fast forward to this morning. I was leaving the zapper out and on, ya know, just in case. My heart literally stopped a moment when I walked into the kitchen and saw the light blinking. Oh my God. I have to dispose of a dead mouse. Oh my God! Oh my God!! Finally, my inner voice spoke up (it’s about time!) and told me to hike up my Big Girl Pants and get it over with. I picked up the zapper, closed my eyes and dumped it in the trash. I took a quick look back (mainly to be sure it came out) and felt a little bad. Half of me felt pity for the little fuzzy guy, while the other half said “I TOLD you! You fuck with my shit and you get ELECTROCUTED!!!” So I guess it really evens out in the end.
Either way, it is definitely time to flee. You’ve beaten me North Jersey! I will not be back!! Keep your various vermin and keep them away from my place in the suburbs!!
I’m not at all ashamed to say that the city and its pests beat me. In fact, I’m perfectly happy about it. And you know what? At least it isn’t bed bugs.
*And by awesome I mean the exact opposite.