Archive for March, 2008

So Tell Me NBC, How Does Failure Feel?

Friday, March 28th, 2008

I recently found out that due to the writer’s strike, Heroes will not air again until the Fall (yes, I live under a rock and it’s cozy – stop asking). This is one of the DUMBEST business decisions I’ve heard of in quite some time. I understand that they were having problems with their writing staff pre-strike, but here’s the thing you’ve FINALLY got a HIT show. Sort that shit out!! You haven’t been on top of the ratings since the “glory” of Must See TV. And now where are you? I’ll tell you. Number 4. That’s right, number 4 behind FOX, ABC and CBS. All I can do is snicker at your downfall because really, you brought this on yourself with your horrendous programming (and apparently staffing) decisions.

I’m not sure your network or Heroes will be able to recover. I hope the show does, as it’s one of my favorites. You introduced quite a few new characters and plot lines before the strike – some viewers cared about, some we just wanted off the screen. Then you take a year off?! Do you think we’ll care enough about the newcomers to return to the show in the Fall? I’m not so sure. All I can say is “good luck with that” and I hope you make better decisions in the future. Yet, somehow I doubt it. It’s sad to see a good show die and be replaced by the mindless likes of American Idol, Dancing with the Stars and Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader.

What boggles my mind is that other networks managed to bring back their hit shows to keep their audiences interested and happy. Why not scramble to find good writers to continue Heroes? Take a break if need be but don’t make viewers wait almost a year to pick up on a story that was only starting to be told.

May Howie Mandel continue to save your sorry ass network with his bald head, ridiculous guessing and metal briefcases.

TV Shows Returning After the Strike

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It Wasn’t Me

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

Often when objects or services are free and available for public use and there’s a level of anonymity involved, the go to the crapper far more quickly then when they are private, or offered for a fee. Case in point, the refrigerator in 99.9% of offices. If there is a spill or a mess, no one will own up to it. Additionally, if someone leaves food in there so long that it becomes a science project or no one goes in the kitchen due to the stench coming out of the cold box you’ll have to threaten termination to figure out who the owner is.

Today my lunch was ruined by one of these office cowards. Someone sloth of an employee left something brown and slightly sticky in the fridge for over a week. And guess what? It leaked. All over the bag that contained my lunch. The goo permeated the bag and seeped into my food. My tasty Trader Joe’s eggplant parmigiana and some snacks for later in the afternoon were destroyed. And now I’m angry.

I have a feeling the culprit was the same person who left two hard boiled eggs in the fridge to stink and rot…but I don’t KNOW for sure. Either way, it’s rude and disgusting. I’m not your mother. As an employee, please have some sense of responsibility and clean up after yourself! The same goes for the rest room!!

Well, I found the mess and called everyone’s attention to it. But you know what? I’m not going to clean it up. I refuse to. As I mentioned, I’m not your mother. I’m also not your maid. So, UNTIL it is cleaned, I’ll be bringing my food in one of those puffy insulated bags with ice packs. I refuse to play this disgusting game. Someone needs to pony up and fix their mistake. Until then, everyone ELSE’s food can wallow in filth.

Posted in People I Want to Punch in the Face, Things Not To Do, WTF? | 2 Comments »

“be kind to your behind”

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

Cottenelle Campaign
As part of a monthlong advertising campaign for Cottonelle, the shuttle train was covered with toilet paper imagery.(Photo: David W. Dunlap/The New York Times) Full story

I’m usually not a fan of advertising. I was turned off of the entire concept after working in and tracking the industry for a number of years. While I understand it needs to be done, I loathe the constant barrage of advertisements shoved under my nose at every turn each day. I’m also not a fan of many of the new and intruding ways ad execs are “connecting with me.” Having said that, every once in a while I come across a campaign that makes me smile and I think is clever. This morning I found one, or rather, it found me.

I got on the subway at 42nd Street/Times Square in my usual grumpy fashion. I weaved through the packed crowd to find a seat (luckily!), pulled out my book and didn’t look up for almost all of my 30 minute ride. When my stop was announced as next, I put my book away and finally looked up. Then I laughed out loud. I saw that all of the ads in my train car featured the ADORABLE Cottonelle puppy. Additionally, they had fun slogans like “be kind to your behind” and “we shine where the sun doesn’t.”

So, not only was I looking at a picture of a cute puppy, but the brand also incorporated bathroom humor into the beginning of my day. My sense of humor is at the approximate maturity level of a five year old, so this is welcome. Ha! “We shine where the sun doesn’t.” I love it. It was also amusing to think of toilet paper sponsoring subway cars. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s funny as Hell.

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Shame on The Wall Street Journal

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

Steered Wrong: Drivers Trust GPS Even to a Fault

This article was published in today’s edition of The Wall Street Journal. I knew the journalism industry was in peril, but they’ve apparently abandoned all of their standards. The article focuses on how GPS systems are leading drivers astray, sometimes into oncoming traffic and off cliffs. The Wall Street Journal is supposed to be one of the most trusted print newspapers in the country. So why is it giving time and space to idiots who follow their GPS into lakes and off cliffs? And why doesn’t the article present the other side of the story? There’s no mention of how many accidents GPS systems may have averted now that drivers don’t have their noses in paper maps. There’s no mention of how accurate they often are. There is only mention of how sometimes they screw up.

Sure, the devices screw up. I have one and I’ve seen it take me the wrong way. But you know what I didn’t do? Drive off of a cliff or into a lake. Why, you ask? Because I keep my eyes open and watch the road. Employing some common sense REALLY helps in these situations. The article offers the following anecdote:

“During a vacation in Northern Wisconsin, Hill Wright turned to “Jack” for directions. “Jack” is the name given to the disembodied voice of his satellite navigation device by the GPS maker. Jack sent Mr. Wright off the highway and onto a paved road. The road turned first into gravel and then into a dirt trail littered with boulders and covered with overhanging branches.”

So driving on the gravel road seemed perfectly fine to this man? Only after running into possibly damaging branches did he begin to question the directions? What is WRONG with these people?! These are the type of people who inspire the government to pass laws to “protect” us because they assume we’re too stupid to make our own judgements. Who are they to tell me I can’t eat trans fats? Damn it, I should be able to CHOOSE to eat what I want. Now I’m just waiting for the day they ban GPS devices.

The article also fails to mention that these devices can be UPDATED!! For instance, mine came with a USB cable and recently reminded me that it was time to update my maps. The article also leaves out how many people got lost while driving pre-GPS vs. post-GPS.

I wonder how all these people got ANYWHERE if they blindly trusted everyone’s directions since they began driving. I also wonder if they blindly trust everything a machine does. If so, we’re in trouble…because they’re likely reading things on this here Internet. And no, it isn’t all true.

Posted in People I Want to Punch in the Face, Things Not To Do | 2 Comments »

We’re getting WAY to sensitive here

Friday, March 7th, 2008

U. of Nebraska targets assassin game

I understand that school shootings are on the rise and it is a difficult and stressful time we live in, however, I don’t think banning a game meant to actually build a resident life community is going to help. I was a resident advisor my senior year at Rutgers (back in the day). I helped organize a game of Assassins between my floor and two others in our dorm. A point that the article omits is that stealth is a virtue in this game and in order to “kill” or tag your victim, you have to know a little bit about them. It was viewed and used as a community building exercise…and a fun one at that. Students from my floor got to know people they wouldn’t have known on some of the other floors of our dorm. Everyone got involved, got to know one another, had fun and blew off some steam. Assassins had the highest student participation of any resident life program run that year.

And you know what? No one got hurt.

Assassins was also an excellent way to blow off steam. We ran the program right before mid-terms. Student schedules were less predictable and thus the assassin had to do more work. Safe zones were typically all of the study areas and dining halls and the game gave many a MUCH needed break during very stressful times.

And you know what? No one got hurt.

In the article the game participants were shooting one another with Nerf darts. Nerf. NERF! When I was in college, we weren’t as high tech…we threw balled up socks at each other (like some of the participants in the article). I don’t know anyone who was hurt or went ballistic from being hit by a sock OR a dart.

I’m not trying to downplay the atrocity of a school shooting. They are horrific and tragic, and my heart goes out to any and all affected by them. I do feel, however, that they are caused by imbalanced students and go deeper than games of adult tag. I’m guessing the next game they ban will be “Man hunt,” where no “weapons” are involved but it has an intimidating name.

How far will we go to promote a culture of fear, intolerance and paranoia? Instead of banning everything possible, how about letting us exercise the right to protect ourselves from real danger?

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Getting Around the Big Apple

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

There are few things about New York City that I like.  I’ve worked in this city for about 8 years now and ultimately it’s draining, dirty and competitive.  People will often push, shove and display other aggressive behaviors just to be ONE step ahead of you while waiting at the same RED stop light to cross the street.   But now they do have that ONE step advantage, so they must be better at life than you…or something.

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of this place.  You know what’s worse than actually being cramped on this island with 8 million other people Monday through Friday?  Trying to get around this island with those 8 million other people…and I’ve found the MTA’s subway system to be the Worst Form of Transportation EVER.  Luckily they’ve raised our subway fare this month so it can suck even more.  Apparently they weren’t depressing us enough each morning with late, over-crowded trains that make many unscheduled stops in between stations so you can get to know your neighbor even better (Sir, your hand should be no where near there.  Move it before I rip your ears off.  Have a nice day.) !  And there’s nothing like being crushed by a subway door because the conductor decided 90 seconds was too long to have them open.  Never mind that passengers hadn’t finished getting OFF of the train and not ONE passenger at the stop was able to get on.  THIS is why people hold the doors open.  Now we get to pay even more for the privilege, thus making us truly bitter each day.  My absolute FAVORITE rides are when you get on the local train and mid-way through your ride it switches to an express train bypassing your stop!!  Oh, and when it rains too much and the entire system shuts down for a few hours?  It’s awesome!  The entire city then retreats to the sidewalk to fight over cabs!  You should see really see it!

I really don’t know what they did with that ridiculous surplus that spawned a week long strike a few years ago.  They certainly didn’t put it into upgrading or even maintaining the trains. The kicker is no matter how many people complain, nothing will change.  This is the way of mass transit.  This is also why so many people are in love with their cars.

I guess the subway isn’t all bad.  I mean, where else can you buy batteries from a drug addict for $1?  And if you take the right train, you can get your serving of religion in by listening to the overly religious and mentally disturbed woman’s daily sermon.  OH, and you can always get exposed to new music by listening to everyone’s iPod…because you know, headphones aren’t meant to be personal.

And because I experienced most of these wonderful subway quirks on my ride to work this morning, I want to punch every MTA employee in the face.

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